Welcome to: The Church of The Weeknd

In absence of The Holy Trinity, I present to you: The Trilogy. And then some. Nobody tell Sam Harris we’re here.

For those who may be skeptical, rest assured this religion satisfies all prerequisites. We have origin stories, symbols, rituals, and immaculate conceptions galore. Okay, maybe not the last one.

Meet Abel Tesfaye, our dearest Canadian prophet. A man with the voice of a choir boy and the swagger of a man your best friend won’t allow you to date. He’s the star of his one man band, blessing us with timeless ballads for nearly a decade.

Continue reading for the Top 10 reasons to convert ahead of your bedtime prayer.

Angelic voice. While his aggressive sex appeal separates him from his peers (Meg Thee Stallion not withstanding), it is Abel’s pure range that elevates him above the rest. We catch a glimpse during High For This, but are completely undertaken by The Morning. His talent is haunting, and it is recognized on even the grittiest of tracks.

Funky vibes. Abel vibrates with the aura of Michael Jackson reincarnate (minus all the horrific tragedy). Incredible footwork, red leather, and breathy gasps aside; he’s invented a proprietary blend of Rhythm, Blues, Disco, and Pop/Funk that promises to influence the industry for decades to come. Don’t believe me? Check out I Feel It Coming and Secrets, in that order.

Impeccable style. Known for his classic skinny jeans and combat boots combo; he does nothing to distract from his classic good looks. Except for maybe that hair. THAT HAIR! So fearless. So expressive. So hot right now! *Heart eye emojis from now ‘til forever!*

Stunning visuals. If Abel’s music videos aren’t first making you blush, they’re transporting you to the realm of his dark, futuristic nightmarish daydream. Watch Tell Your Friends, Starboy, and Blinding Lights to best catch my vibe.

Persistent reinvention. All aforementioned attributes culminate into one key differentiator: this man is perpetual motion personified. Traveling back in time from the Trilogy/Kissland era transports us to a version of The Weeknd he proudly touts we will never meet again. And while we miss it dearly, we’re steady drooling over what the latest reincarnation is serving up next.

Prime humor. It is one thing to be sexy, stylish, and cool. It’s another thing entirely if you tack a sense of humor on top. It’s what takes us from Channing Tatum to Ryan Reynolds. The Weeknd’s social media is full of nerdy antics and cheeky humor. And if you haven’t seen him on SNL, check out his Weeknd Update(s).

Unbelievable features. One of my favorite Weeknd memes teases that if a track says “ft Weeknd”, you already know it’s his song entirely. Correct. He’s remade Michael Jackson’s Dirty Diana, sampled the Elton John, and collaborated with everyone from Disclosure, to Kavinsky, to Lana, to Future and back again. It’s the best way we can get more hits between albums! TGITW!

The women. Not only does Abel attract some of the most attractive, artistic women (ever heard of Selena Gomez or Bella Hadid?) – his breakup ballads are unbelievably soulful. He always times them perfectly for my heartbreak, too. So thoughtful.

Good-guy politics. From donating over a million dollars to coronavirus efforts and another 300k to Beirut explosion relief, to hosting Justin Trudeau’s conference detailing plans to improve accessibility to business loans for Black entrepreneurs; The Weeknd revealed his true colors to us in our year of need. To that, we say thank you. Check out his song True Colors too, because you’re in this deep already.

The King of the Fall. I’m a sucker for his duality (remember that one time he was a comic book hero!?). Abel reigns supreme. And he’s been teasing some cryptic KOF messaging lately… dare we ask for more?


To allow for proper confirmation of your conversion, check out these two playlists: One for the greatest hits, another for the best features!


“So you’re somebody now. But, what’s somebody in a nobody town?”

The Weeknd, The Professional. 2013.

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