Breakups: The Ugly Truth

Cold as Ice.
Kenosha, WI. 2019.

It’s common knowledge. If you’re looking to lose five pounds, unearth the inspiration for a best-selling novel, or deliver a Grammy-worthy rendition of any Amy Winehouse ballad from the comfort of your own shower – get dumped.

Miley Cyrus is the Queen of the Breakup; and if you have an Instagram, you know this is not even up for debate. ‘Slide Away’ is the official anthem for Hot Girl Summer 2019. Hide your kids, hide your wife, hell… hide your wife’s girlfriend. We’re cracking Whiteclaw showers this breakup season.

Breakups are a common thread. At all times; we’re either accepting one, avoiding one, planning one, or learning from one. So, it’s important to stay fresh on the latest literature. I’ll spare you the strain of the late-night, one-eyed Instagram scroll by sharing a recap of my personal Breakup iPhone album with you.

Besides… these truths have bits of real weighted blanket in them, so you know they’re good.

A simple truth. You are what you love, not who loves you.
That which moves your soul is what defines you. The way in which you brighten the world with your insights, humor, opinions, and knowledge casts your love-line out into the distance. Those that bite, for any length of time, simply enhance the experience. Do not lose sight of your value based on the catch of the day.

A hopeful truth. Aim to attract someone who speaks your love language so you don’t spend a lifetime translating your soul.
Communicate with love, warmth, and transparency. But, recognize how often you have to explain your innermost emotions and thought processes. Your lover should respect your feelings and aim to console, honor, and respect you morning until night. They should not seek to misunderstand you whenever given the opportunity.

A thoughtful truth. There’s a difference between being liked and being valued. A lot of people may like you. But, only a few value you.
You know the difference. ‘Like’ is conditional. ‘Like’ invites you out for a drink when you’re pleasant and pretty. ‘Value’ comforts you on your Big Lots sofa when you’re having a panic attack. It is intimidating to ask someone to value you; as it certainly rakes up any childhood trauma regarding worth and security. The key is: you shouldn’t have to ask for it.

A loving truth. You deserve a love that stays even when it rains. Especially when it rains.
This F.E. Marie excerpt shook me to my core. I once had a love that stayed for the rain. A love that wiped my ugly tears away. One that snuck out of parties with me to cuddle up to Netflix & pizza. But, to be cherished for the rain itself? A love that values their unique vantage point so dearly? That idea takes my breath away. It gives me hope.

A painful truth. An apology without change is just manipulation.
As my mom would say, “watch the feet”. Words can be beautiful: adoring, poetic, promising. Yet, the exchange rate on words is volatile. What ‘love’ and ‘forever’ means to one, does not mean to another. Don’t take the words at face value. Watch the feet instead.

Breakups suck. You remember the feeling. Shamefully returning to another search for your life partner. Fragmenting ourselves further; exchanging shards of pain with those who swiftly become strangers yet again.

We’d rather blissfully arrive at the comfort of knowing we are accepted, celebrated, and valued to our core. We long for it like Gatsby yearned for that green light. Also pretty similarly, we throw lavish parties hoping they will be delivered to us in the comfort of our own homes. Sequins are involved, too.

Well, f*ck it. Let’s move on to more fulfilling challenges. Allow yourself to feel loved in this moment, no matter what.

Plus, I accept you. I celebrate you. I value you. Especially you, Miley.

Pink Lemonade Sky.
Monterrey, Mexico. 2019.

“Avoid confusing attachment with love. Attachment is about fear and dependency. It has more to do with the love of the self than the love of another.

Love without attachment is the purest form of love. That is because it isn’t about what others can give you when you’re feeling empty. It’s about what you’re driven to share with others when you’re feeling full.”

Wholesome, anonymous internet wisdom. 2019.